Ship Review - Day 1Ship Review - Day 2
Ship Review - Day 3
WOULD go here, but yesterday I tried twice and the expo floor was empty both times. Then a loving midwestern blizzard hit, and we lost internet for the entire day. I had to read the thread by mobile phone hotspot like a god drat caveman! So, no origin ship reviews. Instead, we move on to
Ship Review - Day 4
Named for the legendary shield wielded by Greece's most intelligent goddess, Aegis specializes in legendary jpegs sold to Germany's most gullible auditors. As opposed to "Anvil," a combat ship company, and "Origin," the luxury ship company, "Aegis" seems to make... just... all sorts of random poo poo. Salvage ships and combat frigates and little police fighters or something who cares. There is probably some 20 page corporate lore backstory but if there's one thing I have less time for than Chris Roberts' towering self-regard, it is Chris Roberts' corporate fanfiction. I am not at home to rent these so I'm just going to steal pictures from the wiki. gently caress you, Derek doesn't pay me enough to care about this.
Aegis Avenger
Cost 50-85 dollars
Guns 1 big nose gimbal, 2 puny wing guns
Can It Do Anything But Fight: Yes
Speed: Modest
Reviewer's Thoughts: CIG had this weird period where they started selling the A-10 warthog over and over again. The Avenger was the start of that trend. Basically they introduced this ship that looked like the space shuttle had sex with a Salavador Dali painting, and it had a big gently caress-off nose gatling, and every Citizen in the universe simultaneously orgasmed at the sight of it. Then they did it again with the Gladius. Then they did it again with the Vanguard. Then they... you get the picture. Ironically none of these ships are actually ground attack craft, and the big nose gun tends to be kind of useless. The Avenger is not useless though- it is a decent little ship by Star Citizen standards. It can fight and carry cargo or a box, and it has a ramp, so you won't be instantly murdered by the ladder bug if you try to use it. It also got a "Redesign" which is goddamn hilarious since they were so thorough and fidelitous that they left a giant gently caress-off hole in the interior geometry. Seriously you can sleep in the bed of this thing and look out the hole into space. Naturally this will never be fixed. Also this thing has like 5 variants with no theme that I am aware of. They all suck.
Aegis Gladius
Cost 90 dollars
Guns 1 big nose gimbal, 2 puny wing guns
Can It Do Anything But Fight: Nope
Speed: Zippy
Reviewer's Thoughts: Hey look it's a space A-10 again. I actually really like this ship, it is my favorite fighter in the game. It's not nearly as effective as the Super Hornet but it is a) way cheaper, and b) way more fun to fly. This thing will cause your pilot to black out from acceleration at the slightest twitch of your mouse. Using it in combat is literally a point-and-click adventure because it can turn faster than you can scroll. It will also explode if anything looks at it funny. Once upon a time this was the ship they used to demo "Damage 3.0" or some version number, so it actually comes apart really beautifully. Shots leave big holes in the skin, the wings and components tear off in satisfying ways, and the flight model adjusts to match the damage. Of course they didn't bother to move "Damage 3.0" to any of the other fighters or ships in the game, so it's just the gladius that is now unbelievably fragile, years later. That's okay though, you can pay money for one of the other fighters!
Aegis Sabre
Cost 170 dollars
Guns 2 big nose guns, 2 puny wing guns
Can It Do Anything But Fight: Nope
Speed: Dunno
Reviewer's Thoughts: This is like, the fourth "Space Superiority" fighter in the 170-200 dollar price range. Sure is funny how they keep putting those out, and each new one is better than the old ones. This thing strictly outmatches the Super Hornet in firepower, but I think it's all fixed-forward or something. It is "Stealthy" which in game translates to "You can see it at the same range as every other ship but please imagine that some day you will be an F-22." It has no missiles, so that stealth better be real fuckin' good or it'll be visible at the only range it can fight, regardless. They sold a variant of this, the "Sabre Raven" as some kind of add-on if you bought an Optane hard drive, because Star Citizen has product tie ins just like actual games. I'm pretty sure the Raven variant sucks or maybe nobody bought those HDD's because I've never seen one.
Aegis Vanguard
Cost 225-250 dollars
Guns 1 big nose gun, 4 puny nose guns, a manned turret and a bunch of missiles.
Can It Do Anything But Fight: Maybe?
Speed: Sluggish
Reviewer's Thoughts: Hey look it's an A-10/Space Superiority fighter again! It costs more than any of the others, and it has a shitload more firepower! This one is at least slightly imaginative- it's supposed to be a "Long Range Patrol" ship, for like flying the space border to keep out the space migrant caravans I guess. The promotional marketing was heavily based on the F-14 Tomcat which is a carrier based fleet defense ship. Of course all of this is undermined by the fact that in Star Citizen, big capital ships travel ~4 to 5 times faster than fighters. Why you'd ever "Screen" yourself with a ship that goes slower than you, I don't know. gently caress you, buy the Tomcat spaceship. This thing has a small compartment where crewmen can actually stand, so it can probably carry a box but I did not test that. It has the usual superfluous and useless turret. It is very expensive and, based on reports from people who own one, kind of sucks- I think it's too big for its shield size or something? Whatever, who loving cares- it is another fighter in a game with like 40 goddamn fighters, and it costs as much money as the 5-man Constellation while not really making any sense for its intended role. It is peak Star Citizen circa 2017.
Aegis Retaliator
Cost 275 big ol fuckin' dollars
Guns 5 manned turrets and a big fuckin load of useless missiles
Can It Do Anything But Fight: Maybe?
Speed: Glacial
Reviewer's Thoughts: Hey look it's the B-1 bomber in space except it sucks rear end and there's nothing to bomb! This ship is such a tragedy. I think the styling is absolutely beautiful, the intended role (cap-ship killer with torpedos) is kind of neat, and there are enough turrets that it seems credibly threatening to fighters. It was the first big goon buy-in ship, as well, when the hive mind thought that if we had enough of these we would be smoking idiots in their giant Idris ships. Alas for we sweet summer children, it was us who were the idiots, all along. This was also one of the first big ships to be released into the game, amusingly, since I don't think I've actually seen one in-game since about 2015. That's for a very important reason: missiles don't work. They literally do not work- you can't fire them, if you do fire them they don't hit the target, if they do hit the target they don't do damage. This thing is less threatening than a NERF gun. It is a giant loving "Kick Me" sign slapped onto the backs of every person who tried to buy into the Rock-Paper-Scissors power-creep fest that is Star Citizen. It sucks so hard that they never even bothered to sell variants of this turd.
Aegis Eclipse
Cost 275 stealthy dollars
Guns Probably something unrealistically stupid
Can It Do Anything But Fight: Probably?
Speed: Glacial
Reviewer's Thoughts: Does this actually exist in game? Their website says it does. Anyway hey look it's another bomber, and it costs the same as the last one, but this time it's STEALTH. Buy this one instead! I mean it still probably doesn't loving work worth a drat because missiles are complete garbage, but it's a new thing to spend your money on SPEND SPEND SPEND
Aegis Reclaimer
Cost 400 salvaged dollars
Guns I'm sure it's just covered with turrets in retarded places
Can It Do Anything But Fight: It can't even fight
Speed: Glaciers race by this guy
Reviewer's Thoughts: Hey it's the big salvage ship in the game where ships despawn immediately after playing their death animation! Haha, we'd probably fix that, but uh... the servers couldn't loving handle it if wrecks stayed around for more than a minute or two at some locations. Whoops we already sold this to you! Oh well coming soon, keep on waiting for the next patch where we implement the gameplay for this giant ship! Assuming we ever get salvaging in, we'll probably have to think of something to do with that salvage- haha j/k we will turn it into "Scrap" in your cargo hold which can be sold at one of the broken trade consoles in the game for next to nothing! Don't worry it's Tier 0, next time we get around to it this will be the ship of your dreams! Keep on pledging!
This ship is a giant pig and doesn't do anything worth talking about in-game.
Aegis Hammerhead
Cost 725 of your literal, actual US Dollars
Guns All of them. All of the guns.
Can It Do Anything But Fight: Sure, gently caress it
Speed: Basically stationary
Reviewer's Thoughts: Uh oh, it's an AEGIS combat ship that doesn't come with a giant gently caress-off nose cannon or STEALTH. That means you probably shouldn't buy it, because a better version will be released the next time their sales dip. So this is the "Gunship corvette" which means it is just covered in manned turrets. It is the first "True" combat capital ship in the game, which I love because it costs as much as my loving month's rent and needs a crew of 3 or more to actually do anything. The pilot doesn't get any guns. So everyone who bought one of these hangar queens is constantly trying in chat to entice any other spacemen onto his giant monument to bad financial planning, and if you see one flying around they're basically guaranteed to have like 1 guy on a turret somewhere and be easily shootable anywhere else. Unfortunately for the eager goon troll, CIG didn't want their brand new combat centerpiece to be TOO easy to destroy- so they made it completely impossible to destroy. This thing has shields for days. You can shoot them until your ammo runs out and not make a dent. Also every turret has the firepower of an entire Constellation. No poo poo- 4xsize 4 guns. That'll basically instagib any smaller ship in the game. If you can get 3 or 4 people on one of these things and put it somewhere with lots of traffic teleporting in, baby you got a grief stew going. If you try to use it for anything else, including other types of combat than ambush camping, you're wasting your loving time. It has a top speed measured in inches per minute, can't turn worth a drat, has zero visibility, appears on people's radars at thirty kilometers out, and has a load of useless missiles that don't do anything slaved to the pilot seat for some reason. It also has all the amenities of a CIG spaceship- bunk beds and showers and locker rooms and engineering stations and cargo hatches and a mess hall, all that good poo poo. None of that does anything, don't bother. It's not even a STEALTH mess-hall. Don't worry, I'm sure when the next most biggest bestest ship comes out, this one will get an emergency upgrade package for only 250 loving dollars or whatever. Just set your money on fire, god drat.
