Today's fantastic write-up of a 3.0 play through, is
brought to you by Gorf. It's amazing.
YOUTUBE: Walking In Hyperspace ShipsAs a Public Service and “3.0 experience” documentation exercise for those not playing, I’m including below this summary of a randomly selected new Dan Gheesling video. (I apologize for any link errors and the absence of graphics. I wrote it on my phone in stages as my schedule allowed. I may edit in gifs later.)
A prior installment of this sort for those interested can be found
here.
That summary, written nearly two years ago, saw Batgirl engaging in a riveting
“let’s go flip a switch on or off in a satellite array for AlphaUEC” Mission in 2.4. Heads were bonked, complications ensued, and a person actually capable of landing a plane in real life discovered that she could not, for all her experience, land a ship in the game she loves so painfully much...
But that was nearly two years ago, and it’s often said much has changed since then. That there is more and better content in 3.0 than in a AAA game like GTA5.
So with 3.0 around the corner and Cargo Missions finally adding wild variety to the “menial crap to do in the ‘Verse to earn meager game currency”, let’s check it out and get a measure of progress on the gameplay experience 21 months later.
—
SESSION 1 - QUANTUM JUMP BLUES0:01 - Dan’s adventure begins, as all Star Citizen adventures must, with the “awake and escape from the bedroom” challenge. And lest you think getting out of a bed and opening a space door sounds hardly a risky affair,
think again. Yet while the challenge recently proved fatal for Batgirl, Dan proves equal to the task. He survives opening the door and is off in search of mega-thrills in Chris Roberts’s living, breathing universe of 3 moons, 1 planet, and a planetoid on loan from another star system as yet not in the game.
“Excited to get started here, we’ve hit a few of non-buttery patches of servers. But we’re going to give it the true experience here. We’re gonna battle through it.”He then explains that he’s received so many requests to perform a Cargo mission that this will indeed be today’s goal.
0:19 - He races to the terminal to spawn his ship of choice — the Avenger — and then, like a shot, he races out to board it.
But it didn’t spawn, a fact he eventually realizes. IT’S ALPHA.
No matter, he’ll just spawn an Aurora and engage in the first of many fictive conversations with his viewers.
1:12 -
”Alright, lets take an Aurora DL.”(imitating)
“Dan, you’re gonna take a bucket of bolts over the Avenger?”(replying)
”Well we pulled out a little early and Albert gave us cream cheese when we asked for... some anchovy-filled olives. Alright nonetheless another of you guys said was ‘Hey Dan, you’re able to go buy the actual easy helmet.’”With that he’s off to the store and seconds later standing before the helmet he’d like to buy.
1:49 -
“I would like to purchase the helmet.” Apparently the Voice Command feature is having a little trouble because despite repeated attempts to purchase the helmet, he can’t. So he instead heads off in search of adventure resigned to wearing his “Eddie Bauer helmet”.
For now.2:50 - He approaches his Aurora. Gets in. Spends a small eternity trying to get it started but eventually succeeds. 3 minutes since his bedroom escape, his adventure begins.
3:45 - Mobiglass Fu ensues, eventually leading him to accept his Cargo mission four minutes in to his session.
The objective: Retrieve mineral samples from Daymar.
Say goodbye to those boring
“flip the switch on/off at the Comm Array” missions of old and hello to the thrilling
“get in a spaceship, expend fuel and time, navigate the mobiglass interface, contend with quantum drive challenges and the vast in-game distances to pick up one box of minerals from a pile of junk on the dark side of a moon for a pittance in credits” missions.
Now you’re playing with power — SuperPower.6:10 - After several failed attempts to Quantum jump to Daymar, he decides to apply one of the most ancient of PC rituals to his Aurora. The full-power reboot.
He shuts it off. Then powers it back up. And IT WORKS!
6:52 -
“Quantum drive is now OFF. Quantum drive is now ON. Quantum drive is now OFF. Quantum drive is now ON.” (Just tap the button, Dan. Stop holding it.)
7:08 - A dazzling Quantum Jump slideshow begins.
(imitating)
“Dan the frames don’t look very good.”(replying)
“Don’t worry ‘bout the frames we’re going for the order delivery.”7:40 - He discovers he’s still too far from the target for a quick approach and thus will have to micro-jump closer.
“Alright so let’s lock on to Orbital Marker 6 — get your dongers out, we’re going for it!”9:08-
“We’re fighting through the curds and whey to try to get to the butter server.”A protracted interlude of interface difficulty and user error ensues. Eventually his boredom gives way to reflection and a revelatory utterance worthy of the truest of Star Citizens.
11:15 -
“Alright so now we are de-coupled we should just literally... use our acquiescence, our momentum to move forward.”(Acquiescence and momentum have gotten us this far, Dan, may they forever move us forward.)
Meanwhile, back in the Verse, Dan feels an urgent longing and decides it’s time to
play with danger. “While that’s going on... there’s a strong desire to get up and walk around, maybe lay down in the back.” (imitating)
“Dan are you kidding me?”He explains that no, he’s not really kidding,
“We’ve got a long way to go and what else are you gonna do?” (imitating)
“But Dan if you get up, there’s a strong chance you may never sit down again.”(replying)
”I guess that’s a chance we have to take.”12:03 - Dan leaves the pilot’s seat, eager to embark on a walkabout around his Aurora, a ship which has approximately two meters of walkable floor.
After a brief session of
ultra-fidelity crotch shots, his meditative Aurora stroll finds him harkening back to his tender years, as memories of his love of Legos resurface:
”As a kid, I would build Lego vehicles and ships. Not because I liked ships — I kinda did but moreso, I liked the ability to walk around inside of a moving vehicle — store things in there, hide things in there, pull up the panels underneath maybe hide some inadequate... No, do not... Maybe have a little hidden area there where you can hide contraband. But this is the dream. This is part of why I like Star Citizen.”13:30 - Reinvigorated by his brisk toddle around the Aurora, he returns to the Pilot’s Seat.
“I know there’s problems, I know there’s bugs, I know it’s Alpha, I know it’s going to take awhile. But... with that being said... we can walk around a moving ship. Respect it.”15:15[/url] -
“This is the very definition of ghost riding the whip...”(imitating)
“But Dan, you’re not very stable here...”ERROR: DISCONNECTION (CODE 30000)”Noooo.”Yes, he crashed. The past 15 minutes spent attempting to consummate an in-game UPS Driver Mission are lost and the Groundhog Day rebirth cycle begins anew. He awakens in his space bed for what surely is his 10000th time at this point and embarks upon the “Awake and escape from the bedroom” mission again.
—
SESSION #2 - BUTTER SHUFFLE 15:28 -
”Chris Roberts taketh away... but also giveth. And this, look at this, this is a brand new fresh 60 fps server.”(imitating)
“But Dan, why did you leave the other footage on this episode out?”(replying)
”This is why. So you can get a taste of the PTU. This is what it’s all about. You get some curds and whey and then you get the smooth butter.”The do-over begins. Frame rates are up as are butter nonsequitors.
16:11 -
“The more butter, LOOK at all these people! They’re gravitating towards the butter. Open this. We gotta go! LOOK at how good — this is... I’m not gassing you guys up this is 100% 60 fps... or pretty darn close to it.”(imitating)
”Dan you said 100% - which is it?”(replying)
”You tell me — you see the smoke? I got no words for it. This is why when you get the Butter Server you take full advantage of it... I’d like... Butter!”He races through the hallways to get to his Avenger, but alas, are frames already slowing a bit on the Butter Server?
“See it’s startin’... People are startin’ to drop some curds and whey.”17:06 - He’s reached the Avenger and boards it post haste as the threat of impending curds and whey looms large over the Butter Server.
(imitating)
“Dan, you said you were gonna do a Cargo mission. (replying)
“I think the title of this episode just became ‘Butter and Curds and Whey.”He quickly cycles through missions like a man on a mission to get missions while the getting is Butter and not Curds and Whey.
17:50(imitating)
“Dan you should probably read that quicker a little bit slower.”(replying)
“I would... but at the same time, we’re trying to get some Butter into Daymar. But when we get some stableness we’re going to soak all this in like a fine vintage.”18:21 - The race to get some Butter to Daymar goes Quantum. But upon arrival in orbit, complications ensue. He’s lost his mission.
He navigates the Mobiglass in search of a Daymar-based Cargo mission because Butter, and fortunately, he finds one. A pickup mission at a stash house. He takes it. But sees no stash house added as quest marker.
19:22 - Panic threatens to set in, and Dan makes clear just how urgent the stakes are.
In a brute force gambit to overcome any disappearing objective risks, he accepts every mission and looks to see if that added a quest marker. No joy. Perhaps a jump to a nearby marker might solve the problem?
20:20 -
“One can only hope. Let’s enjoy the Butter. Thank you guys so much for tuning in by the way! — So did they not give us the butter?”Negatory, he sees no quest markers added after accepting all missions and jumping to a nearby orbital marker. Like you said before, Dan — Chris Roberts giveth and Chris Roberts taketh away.
Daymar is out and Yela is in, at least as a waypoint en route to Cellin.
21:42 - After nearly 22 minutes of not being able to engage in his Cargo quest mission, maybe this time is different. He begins the routine futz-with-interfaces ritual to attempt to set his new destination.
23:00 - A minute and a half later, he jumps to Yela — and upon completion, he muses aloud that it would be interesting to poll his viewers for a confidence check in his ability to complete the mission, or at least pick up the stash.
I believe in you, Dan — I gotta believe!
Now in orbit around Yela, he can begin the next leg of the world’s most circuitous “get in get stuff get out” plan. It’s time to visit his third planetary body, Cellin.
23:43 - The Jump to Cellin about to begin, Dan contrasts the incredible experience he’s currently been enjoying with Elite Dangerous, and it’s pretty clear which side of the bread his Butter is coming from.
”Zing!”(Yeah I hate having to measure the barometric pressure in Elite before traveling, too, Dan.)
24:00 - He’s here — at Cellin! And better still, the quest marker is right before him.
Finally, FINALLY, the quest is within arm’s reach, he’ll be there in no time! So what does Dan decide to do?
(imitating)
“Dan, are you going to walk around in the ship?”(replying)
”That’s debatable.”But after a few moments pass, he makes his choice. He will PLAY WITH DANGER again because Legos, Butter, etc.
24:40 - He gets out of his Pilot Seat...
And it seems for a moment there might’ve been a problem, but no, everything’s fine. The terrifying mortal danger he was playing with by exiting a chair has past.
Dan breaths a sigh of relief,
“Ah, okay, nice. I was a LITTLE BIT concerned there...”THEN HE DIES. “Ahhh. Noooo.”—
25:10 - SESSION #3 - DAYMAR ELEGY[/b]
25:10 -
“I cant believe that happened. No.”“Desperate times call for desperate measures. We’re back in the exact same locale, exact same server, exact same mission.”25:30 - Now in the Drake Herald, he sees his abandoned Avenger and wonders if it will beat him to the planet.
25:40 -
“We should be able to beat it. We’re coming in hot, we should blow past it, it may crater. I don’t know if we’re going to be able to save our ship but nonetheless, I’m going to get up and walk around.”He moves to do it.
”I’m just joking. I learned my lesson.”:lol::lol::lol:
He continues his descent with blistering speed.
(imitating)
“Dan, do you think you should pull up yet?”(replying)
”I think we’ve still got some time. There’s our Avenger let’s give it a nice little cruise by, shall we?”Then it hits him,
”Oh we’re still going down Dan because you’re decoupled. Uh-oh! Pull-up!”BOINK!
27:07 -
“Oooaaahhhh!”Dan’s ship spins wildly and you’d be forgiven for thinking all hope was lost, but no, he manages to stabilize it. He sets his sights on the quest objective and muses to self that he can’t believe he survived what should’ve been a fatal mistake. Given his past experience, maybe not leaving his pilot’s seat had something to do with that.
The pick-up point is now in sight. Consummation of the objective twice denied him is finally near.
27:55 -
”There’s our product! It’s just out there!”28:07 -
”IT’S JUST OUT THERE!”(imitating)
”Dan this is what you should be doing instead of dinkin’ around!”28:17 - Dan pulls off an
”I can’t believe it’s not butter!” smooth landing that even he seems impressed with.
”Let’s go ahead and set her down- I didn’t know it was gonna be like this! Just dropped, like an airdrop!”Dan decides to keep the engines on. And why not? He’s got line-of-sight on the package from here. Considering that he’s still got to deliver the thing that’s cost him two ships, two lives, and probably two hours of true gameplay time, he might as well grab-and-go.
30:25 - Having loaded his grabby hands with his “Walter White Stash”, he’s ready for the next leg of this rip-roaring, page turner of an adventure to begin.
Briefly, a dark thought cross his mind and lips. The butter-smooth landing of his Herald was actually more awkward than he realized before exiting the vehicle. He considers the possibility that he might not be able to get back in his vehicle. But hope springs eternal and he’s not afraid to show it.
“We got a shot at it. You think we don’t but YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE!” (Hell ya Dan, you’re right about that —
you gotta believe!)
30:42 - Paranoid about possible unseen threats in on the dark side of the moon near Box Retrieval HQ, he draws his weapon, inadvertently dropping the mission objective in the darkness.
30:59 - Confirming the box is no longer in his grabby hands, a horrified utterance escapes:
“We dropped the box - no!”31:38 - All hope seems lost, but wait... What’s that? Could it be? Saints be praised HE FINDS THE BOX and the adventure of a lifetime begins anew! You GOTTA BELIEVE, indeed!
32:05 - Oh wait, he can’t get the cargo in his ship. He really did park it wrong and the inordinate and only partially documented efforts at attempting to complete his first Cargo game loop, that of a riveting interstellar FED EX mission, ends in a heartbreaking realization:
32:10 -
“I think this is probably... we’re stuck in a, in a spot. I hope that someone can come to Cellan and piece together what happened here. Thank you guys so much for watching!”—
Postscript:
His YouTube description of this exercise in funkilling grinding through fatal bugs, poor choices and adventure-free missions?
“Star Citizen 3.0 Gameplay at it's finest!”